Letting Go Of What Does Not Serve You

Letting go gives us freedom, and freedom is the only condition for happiness...

There comes a time on every soul’s journey when we must loosen our grip on the things we have carried for too long: old stories, expectations, belief systems, attachments to people, positions, possessions, or to outcomes we once believed would define our worth.

At first, letting go can feel like loss; as though something precious is being taken from us. But most often, it is an opening: a clearing of the inner ground so that something truer can take root.

The Weight We Carry

We are often taught from childhood to hold on - to strive, to win, to achieve, to gather titles, to protect what we have earned. In moderation, these pursuits can serve as healthy motivation.

Yet, when attachment becomes the very source of our drive, when we believe our identity, happiness, or safety depends on having the right job, the perfect partner, more money or the approval of others; the heart and mind begin to tighten into knots. We become captive to our craving for certainty, control, and security. Clinging binds us to outcomes we cannot control and blinds us to the beauty of what is already here.

Buddhist wisdom reminds us: “The root of suffering is attachment.”

Perspective and the Circle of Control

In his classic work The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey distinguishes between the Circle of Concern (everything we worry about but cannot directly influence) and the Circle of Control (those things we can genuinely affect).Similarly, Viktor Frankl, speaking from the depths of suffering, taught:“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms: to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances.”

When we focus on what is within our control - our choices, attitudes, and responses: we regain freedom. When we obsess over what lies outside it, we become trapped in frustration and anxiety.

The Illusion of Certainty

A great deal of our attachment comes from the craving to know and to predict. We long for certainty. The assurance that if we do ‘A’, life will give us ‘B’. But not all journeys were meant to be mapped in advance, and not all outcomes were meant to be guaranteed.Letting go of the need to know is not indifference; it is trust - trust that life’s path is often revealed only as we walk it, step by step.

 

The Monk and the Teacup

A student once came to a Zen master asking for wisdom. The master poured tea into the student’s cup until it overflowed. The student exclaimed, “Stop! The cup is full!”

The master smiled and said, “Exactly. How can I pour anything new into your life if your cup is already full?”

In life, we often choose to fill our cup (carry burdens) that become recipes for sadness, unrest, bitterness, resentment, envy, and entitlement. These choices feed the ego, which constantly seeks to justify its stance with refrains such as: “I can’t help it.” – “It’s not my fault.” – “Why should I?” – “It’s not fair.” And, most tellingly, the emotionally complacent and some might say – lazy... “It’s just the way I am.”

Burdening ourselves with belief systems handed down by others - born of fear, ignorance, conformity, and worn-out norms, can be exhausting, problematic, and deeply limiting. And few burdens weigh more heavily than those placed upon us in childhood and early adulthood by parents, teachers, relatives, and society itself.

However, as mentioned earlier, these are choices. At any moment, we hold the power to rewrite the stories that confine us: those tired narratives that whisper we are anything less than radiant souls, born to be free. By shedding such burdens, we do not lose anything of real value; instead, we reclaim authority over our lives - on our own terms.

 

Practising the Art of Release 

To release what no longer serves you in your life or those in your life that you love, you might want to consider:

1. Pause and Name the Burden – Ask yourself: What am I clinging to? A role, an outcome, a past hurt, an expectation, an identity?

2. Discern Control from Concern – Is this truly within my power to change or is it beyond me?

3. Re-choose Your Attitude – As Viktor Frankl taught, this inner freedom remains yours no matter the outer situation.

4. Loosen the Knot of ‘Why’ – Accept that not everything needs to be explained or solved for you to move forward.

5. Breathe and Release – With every exhale, imagine setting down a burden you’ve carried.

When we let go of what no longer serves us, we discover a new lightness; a freedom that does not depend on possessions, approval, or certainty. We learn that our worth is not tied to titles, money, relationships, or any external marker.True power arises not from what we hold onto but from what we are willing to release.

Reflective questions

·      Which attachments in your life may now be asking to be released?

·      Where might you be confusing control with concern?

·      How might your journey feel lighter if you let go of the need for everything to be known or understood?

·      What old stories about success, worth, or safety are you ready to rewrite or release?

·      In what ways might surrendering control invite more peace, trust, or unexpected joy into your life?

As you sit with these questions, allow your answers to rise gently, without force or judgement. Trust that whatever surfaces, whether a memory, a feeling, or a quiet insight, is an invitation from your soul to move a little closer to freedom.

The path of release is rarely about losing; it is about unburdening, making space for peace, clarity, and joy to take root where once there was weight.